Inland, Dreaming of Waves

Planets of Cold Illusion

I like astrology.

There, I’ve said it. You may all label me a new age freak now.

But I don’t care. I’ve actually been interested in astrology since I had my chart done in high school, and I’ve been carrying around that chart with me ever since. I pull it out and look at it sometimes, noting how most of my planets fall in the bottom half of the chart, which is a sign of an introverted person, and how I have no planets in fire signs. Those of you who know me will find this information appropriate.

I guess saying that “I like astrology” doesn’t do my feelings justice. It would be more accurate to say that I enjoy astrology as a way of thinking about myself.

It’s hard for me to admit that I think about myself. I grew up in a family where it wasn’t appropriate to brag or to perform too much, unless one was performing on an instrument, such as a piano. Self-knowledge was admirable, but doting on oneself—say, by thinking about one’s positive character traits or beauty—was frowned upon. Go figure that one out.

Now I don’t mean to make my family sound like a bunch of Puritans—they’re not. They’re fun people, just a bit reserved. They’re more likely to ask about you than tell you about themselves. I find myself in this situation a lot, listening to my friends talk about their lives. I always end up talking less about my life than they do about theirs. I truly do try to break this habit, because I think it allows people to take me for granted, but I’ve done it for so long…

So I compensate by reading about planets and houses and aspects. I wonder whether the gravity of the outer planets really might affect my personality, and if I might ever feel it. It’s a little bit like thinking about God, except that I know that the planets really exist. People have seen them through telescopes (is that like “through a glass darkly”?). Probes have burned up in their atmospheres.

In some ways, astrology is much more satisfying than praying, because I never have to wait for an answer. It’s all interpreted for me.

And I don’t use astrology to predict what’s going to happen in my life. I have had the experience, occasionally, of reading a past horoscope and saying, “Yeah, I really did crash and burn that month!” But if I had read the horoscope before the crashing and burning, I would have disregarded it.

What I like best about astrology books and charts is finding bits and pieces of my personality there. If something doesn’t seem to fit, I just ignore it. If the description of Virgo, say, is a bit too neatnik for my tastes, I can use it to wrestle with my insecurities. Or I can use a more positive description of my chart to inspire myself.

And who wouldn’t rather have inspiration than sermons?

posted by Price of Silence @ 11:08 PM